• Being hard on yourself now serves no purpose and is in fact counterproductive with respect to the change that must happen.

  • Your kids and your husband don’t know your boundaries because neither do you.

  • It is about your ability to establish healthy boundaries and then stick to them. It is about being consistent with or responses when our boundaries and violated.

  • We cannot change another person. We can only change ourselves and how we will respond he the good and bad behavior of our loved ones, who continue to cause us to live in daily pain.

  • HELPING IS DOING SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE THAT HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF DOING FOR HIMSELF. AND, ENABLING IS DOING FOR SOMEONE WHAT HE COULD AND SHOULD BE DOING FOR HIMSELF.

  • Enabling creates an atmosphere in which our adult children can comfortable continue their unacceptable behavior.

  • ARISTOBRATS- Children who are the center of the universe, spoiled, egotistical and disrespectful.

  • As a result of emphasis on self-esteem, Kids are growing up without problem solving skills because many of their parents think love means solving all their problems for them. Many adolescents have no respect for authority because their parents did not command their respect. Instead here parents fave too much and expected too little. ‘As long as we continue to keep enabling our adult children, they will continue to deny they have any problems, since most of their problems are being “solved” by those around them. Only when our adult children are forced to face the consequences of their own actions-their own choices- will it finally begin to sink in how deep their patterns of dependence and avoidance have become.

  • A main problem is that parents we are stepping in to soften the blow of the consequences that come from the choices they make.  The main problem is US!

  • Fear and guilt are top reasons we disable our children

  • Tough love is really-tough on the parent.

  • Our adult children did not get here overnight and it will not change overnight.

  • Decide to live your life and not the life of your adult child.

  • Stop rescuing someone who has not desire to be rescued.

  • Sto;p being a caregiver for someone who is capable of caring for themselves.

  • See your child for who they really are and not who you hope they will be.

  • Boundaries for children bring security.

  • Detach from the plan. When we want it more than they want it- Not a good prognosis for change.

Break the enabling cycle.

  1. Care for your own spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and financial health.

  2. Remember to express love and attention to your spouse and other family members and friends in addition to your adult child.

  3. You will not accept excuses.

  4. You will understand that a clear definition of right and wrong is imperative for a disciplined society. There is no room for gray. Don’t make excuses for what you believe. You will uphold standards of behavior that protect your morals, values and integrity.

  5. You will give your adult child unconditional love and support without meddling and without money.

Develop an action plan-

  • Statement of purpose

  • Changes being implemented

  • What we will do

  • What we will not do

  • Resources available

  • Transition care package