About Robin
About Robin
Robin Star’s passion is helping parents with adult children struggling to independently launch and find their way in the world. Robin’s other area of expertise is assisting parents in navigating the world of addiction and substance abuse. In her private practice she uses science-based programs backed by 40 years of clinical research to teach skills and tools to motivate others to desire change. Robin’s coaching uses these evidence-based methods to empower parents. On an individual or family basis she provides tools needed to traverse the challenges of coping with children struggling to launch. And those who are addicted to drugs or alcohol (substance use disorder).
After 9 years of coaching parents who have children with substance use disorder, I realigned my program to offer help to those parents who have adult children failing to launch onto their best life journey. The skills, tools and evidence-based practices from my work are associated with how we motivate our children to desire change. We cannot do it for them, but through the program we develop together, we can make strides in forming new pathways for our children.
She is the group facilitator for Parents of Addicted Children™, a support group founded in 1999 for parents who are experiencing on-going life problems due to their child’s (children of all ages) use of alcohol and/or drugs. Robin believes assisting the parents to help themselves is one of the most important single things they can do to help their child.
Robin also coaches parents through “Take Back Your Life”™, a 4 week course which teaches parents more effective ways to deal with their child who has Substance Use Disorder and learn how to set healthy boundaries, stop losing themselves in the child’s problematic behavior and help parents move from feelings of shame, isolation, hopelessness and helplessness to an increased feeling of hope and a sense of effectiveness. In order for parents to know how to stop losing themselves in their child’s addiction they need to learn that the only behavior they can control is their own.
Robin is a graduate of the University of Denver with a BS/BA, and is a Gestalt Professional Certified Coach with a specialty in coaching families with children failing to launch and/or struggling with alcohol or drugs. She is the founder of Star Group.
Robin is certified in Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training (CRAFT) as a Parent Network Coach, trained by the Center for Motivation and Change and works with the Partnership for Drug Free Kids. Robin provides pragmatic behavioral coaching, alternative and practical client centered solutions. She works privately with families and facilitates group learning on how to support a loved one before, during and after change.
“At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.”
“When someone is trying to change their ways, the worst thing you can do is keep bringing up the past.”
“Worry is a choice.”
“When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger.”
“To let go is to fear less and to love more. To let go is not to care for, but to care about.”
“Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, let go of what you can’t change.”
“One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.”
“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms…let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”
“Just because something is not happening for you right now does not mean that it will never happen.”
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
“We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
“Celebrate what you want to see more of.”
Piglet: “How do you spell love?”
Pooh: “You don’t spell it, you feel it.”
“Be selective in your battles, sometimes peace is better than being right.”
“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amidst the storm.”
“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy. I think I will be happy today!”
“Pessimism never won any battle.”
“Worry is a total waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keeps you very busy doing nothing.”
“Sometimes we’re tested. Not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths.”
“Strength is when you have so much to cry for, but you choose to smile instead.”
“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there…Not to fix anything in particular, but just to let us feel we are supported and cared about.”
“You never know how STRONG you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have.”
“Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
“You can’t force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.”
“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether its guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.”
“Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.”
“Until you realize you are the creator of your own misery you will never be truly happy. For it is how you react to any given situation that brings you happiness.”
“Don’t expect anyone to understand your journey, especially if they’ve never walked your path.”
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.”
“Don’t expect everyone to understand your journey, especially if they’ve never had to walk your path.”
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
“Promise me you’ll always remember that you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
“Don’t judge a situation you have never been in.”
“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right.”
“I am committed to own my own problems and let others own theirs.”
“We liberate children not by making them work for our love, but by letting them rest in it.”
“One day can change everything…”
“Living Life fully means not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance between the raindrops”
“So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself everything happens for a reason.”
“Every child is gifted. They just unwrap their packages at different times.”
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.”
“Sometimes people with the worst pasts end up creating the best futures.”
“Forgive them even if they are not sorry. Holding on to anger only hurts you, not them.”
“One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”
“We must let go of the life we had planned so at to have the life that is waiting for us.”
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.”
“Transform sorrow into strength, pain into growth and fear into trust.”
“Sometimes we get angry with people, when we should be angry with ourselves, because we gave them the power to change our mood and feelings.”
“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but by how we react to what happens. Not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.”
“Storms in your life can be followed by rainbows.”
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
“Treat others with kindness. You never know what burdens people bear or what they are going through. You may have power to lift their spirits or break them.”
“Let go of what I cannot control.”
Ego says: “Once everything falls into place, I will find peace.”
Spirit says: “Find peace and everything will fall into place.”
“Worry doesn’t take away the pain of tomorrow, but sucks the happiness and joy for today.”
“You don’t need a plan, sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens.”
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance!”
“The past does not equal the future.”
“We don’t have control over the actions of others. We do have control over how we allow their actions to affect us.”
“Your strongest muscle and worst enemy is your mind. Train it well.”
“My worst fears can come true, whether I anguish over them or not.”
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.”
“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
“May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears!”
“Don’t keep taking the same road, expecting it to get you somewhere else.”
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better.”
“Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful.”
“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”
Robin’s Story
I believe that despite our many differences we all have learned a certain constant early in life and that is, you can always expect the unexpected.
A number of years ago I was faced with a huge, much unexpected challenge, A family member was in crisis in the midst of a drug addiction and I was not even remotely prepared to help. I am not sure anyone is equipped to help when they are first brought into the world of addiction. It is a frightful place and I can say that my path through it was difficult to traverse. I liken the experience to arriving on a new planet and having no idea what to do, where to go, or even what language to speak. And yet, I desperately wanted to be a support for this person I loved.
As I searched for answers on how to help, I was struck by how many people were affected by addiction-not only the number of people in active addiction, but by the number of loved ones that were riding the roller coaster of addiction with them. And yet, in so many cases, the stigma of this disease put families in hiding and left them helpless when what they needed was so much support. As I say, Substance Use Disorder (AKA Addiction) is not a casserole disease. Our neighbors and friends are not running over with a helping hand as they do with other illnesses.
As I searched for answers, I began to learn the language of addiction and recovery as well as the resources available. I cannot pinpoint exactly when my metamorphosis occurred but somewhere on this course, I went from feeling powerless and confused to knowledgeable and empowered.
In the most unexpected places, Doors began to open, ideas and knowledge presented themselves, and people came into my path at first providing help and comfort and later looking to me for guidance.
I was not seeking this 180 degree change in my life…It took me some time to realize that the physical, and emotional turmoil that I had been experiencing had actually delivered me to my next role…I became the confidante, the advisor, the shoulder to cry on, the book of resources and the beacon of hope and possibilities for families struggling with addiction issues.
I went back to school, found a whole new career, facilitated a support group became certified in an evidence based program by the Partnership for Drug Free Kids and opened my own private practice with a strong sense of purpose that is fulfilling beyond what I thought possible. Instead of being a victim of this battle, I am now helping to empower others who are challenged with this issue, and have found purpose… which I didn’t even know I was looking for…
I embrace a personalized approach tailored to each client’s individual needs. My approach is diverse, in addition to adhering to Gestalt theory coaching, I also derive my background from an intervention perspective, the scientific and evidence based programs from the Center for Motivation and Change as well as the Partnership for Drug Free Kids where I have been trained in the Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT). My experience, passion and education makes me uniquely qualified to do this work with parents.
After 9 years of coaching parents who have children with substance use disorder, I realigned my program to offer help to those parents who have adult children failing to launch onto their best life journey. The skills, tools and evidence-based practices from my work are associated with how we motivate our children to desire change. We cannot do it for them, but through the program we develop together, we can make strides in forming new pathways for our children.
Robin is the founder of Star Group and graduated from the Gestalt Professional Certified Coaching Institute in 2014.
CREDENTIALS:
Gestalt Professional Certified Coach
University of Denver, BS/BA
Field Model of Intervention
Center for Motivation and Change
Partnership for Drug Free Kids, Certified in Community Reinforcement and Family training
Parent Support Network for the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids using CRAFT, the evidence based program.
Cuyahoga Opiate Task Force
Serve on various substance abuse advisory boards.
Certificate of Completion – Robert J. Meyers, Ph.D.& Associates, Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT)
Resident of Northeast Ohio and work with parents across The USA and Canada.
Differences and Similarities Between Conventional Therapy and Coaching
| Conventional Therapy | Coaching |
|---|---|
| A therapeutic relationship. Disclosure of social and personal information is strategic, limited and driven by what may be beneficial to the client. | A partnership. Social and personal information is exchanged choicefully but more freely as appropriate. |
| Focus on diagnosable conditions. Assess for diagnosable conditions (e.g. anxiety, depression, trauma, addictions, compulsions, emotional issues, neurosis, psychosis, etc.) | Focus on everyday situations. Assess for situations, dilemmas, and desired changes in life, relationships, work or other areas specific to the type of coaching. |
| Orientation is from present to past; looks backward. Healing the past so the present and the future can be more functional. | Orientation is from present to future; looks forward. Creating the desired future. Aimed at learning, improvement, achievement. |
| Treatment, healing/cure orientation. | Fosters self-discovery, co-creation, experimentation. |
| Facilitates movement from unconscious to conscious level. | Facilitates movement from conscious to consciousness level. |
| Aim is usually to bring the person to normal functioning. | Aim is usually to increase performance, satisfaction and/or success |
| Driven by unresolved issues. Goal is issue resolution. | Driven by a desire to make changes in life, work, relationships, or whatever the focus of the coaching is. Goal is to increase possibilities, make choices, choose goals and take action. |
| Is more feeling and discussion oriented. | Feelings are explored and named but are not necessarily the major focus. Is more co-inquiry and action oriented. |
| More focused on the “Why?” Why me? Why this? Why this now? Takes deep dives into the why on a more personal level (e.g. family dynamics, traumas, emotional/psychological history) to explain the current situation/behavior and suggest appropriate treatment/interventions. | Asks “Why?” to better understand the story, and the link between the person’s relevant history and present behavior, however, the emphasis is more on what and how. Examples: What possibilities are you most excited about? What triggers this behavior at work? How do you envision this playing out in the future? How do you explain this? |
| Provides expert help. | Can provide expertise but the major focus is on creating a partnership. |
Differences and Similarities Between Conventional Therapy and Coaching
| Conventional Therapy |
|---|
| A therapeutic relationship. Disclosure of social and personal information is strategic, limited and driven by what may be beneficial to the client. |
| Focus on diagnosable conditions. Assess for diagnosable conditions (e.g. anxiety, depression, trauma, addictions, compulsions, emotional issues, neurosis, psychosis, etc.) |
| Orientation is from present to past; looks backward. Healing the past so the present and the future can be more functional. |
| Treatment, healing/cure orientation. |
| Facilitates movement from unconscious to conscious level. |
| Aim is usually to bring the person to normal functioning. |
| Driven by unresolved issues. Goal is issue resolution. |
| Is more feeling and discussion oriented. |
| More focused on the “Why?” Why me? Why this? Why this now? Takes deep dives into the why on a more personal level (e.g. family dynamics, traumas, emotional/psychological history) to explain the current situation/behavior and suggest appropriate treatment/interventions. |
| Provides expert help. |
| Coaching |
|---|
| A partnership. Social and personal information is exchanged choicefully but more freely as appropriate. |
| Focus on everyday situations. Assess for situations, dilemmas, and desired changes in life, relationships, work or other areas specific to the type of coaching. |
| Orientation is from present to future; looks forward. Creating the desired future. Aimed at learning, improvement, achievement. |
| Fosters self-discovery, co-creation, experimentation. |
| Facilitates movement from conscious to consciousness level. |
| Aim is usually to increase performance, satisfaction and/or success |
| Driven by a desire to make changes in life, work, relationships, or whatever the focus of the coaching is. Goal is to increase possibilities, make choices, choose goals and take action. |
| Feelings are explored and named but are not necessarily the major focus. Is more co-inquiry and action oriented. |
| Asks “Why?” to better understand the story, and the link between the person’s relevant history and present behavior, however, the emphasis is more on what and how. Examples: What possibilities are you most excited about? What triggers this behavior at work? How do you envision this playing out in the future? How do you explain this? |
| Can provide expertise but the major focus is on creating a partnership. |